Why can I only rest on trains?

Who cares my record is done

Disclaimer: this post was written on a train and published two weeks later when I finally had time.

I’m passing (quite literally) through the Sierra Nevadas in a tunnel bore by hand hundreds of years earlier. More precisely, the line that connects Emeryville station (a mere five minutes from my house) to Chicago (the city I resigned in less a few days ago) aboard the California Zephyr. From there, you can hop on another train and ride an escalator up to New York City’s Penn or Grand Central Stations. I was standing in both of those exactly a week ago.

I write this on the West Coast inside a body that’s sure it’s still back east or at least in the Midwest. The mind and soul remain tired but the body pushes forward to Truckee, CA where I will hike the tallest peak in Lake Tahoe with my dad and sister. This continental week has landed me into my most natural resting state - aboard a train. But more on that soon.

First, Here’s a brief three part explantation of my exhaustion:

Left Tracks performing at Secret Compound in Sacramento, CA

Part 1 - ✅ Completed Left Tracks CA tour - This has been captured perfectly by Kabir’s own post. In my own words, my band Left Tracks assembled in LA to arrange music from our new upcoming album. Then we played shows in LA, Oakland, and Sacramento and released our new song, “Business Days”.¹

Early Fieldress Merch Prototype-Setup at Stork Club in early 2025

Part 2 - ✅ Released Sasha’s It’s a Lot album release for her band Fieldress - also expressed succinctly through Sasha’s musical blog. I’m so proud of her. She’s worked tirelessly to bring her musical musing to musical fruition - and then physical! I highly recommend ordering a vinyl or CD on Bandcamp. It’s a wonderful record that I played on and helped produce. Catch us on our West Coast tour starting NEXT WEEK!²

Chicago and NYC

Part 3 - ✅ Attended a wedding, a business trip, and a played show (this last part didn’t happen due to weather). This multifaceted trip lasted a week, spanned the east coast and midwest, and concluded with the cancellation of a show Sasha and I planned to play in Chicago. Packing for wedding, business, and music gave me quite a headache on this trip.

It’s safe to say Part 3 is what put me over the general exhaustion that’s caused my body to feel left on the east coast or somewhere in the midwest. It was a marathon of planes, subways, ride shares, hotels, airbnbs, and thousands of steps. This is the first brief moment I’ve gotten to rewind the tape and review the details of this trip - and of course there’s still not enough time to catch up. There never is. I’m bitter about it but not sure who to take it up with. It’s me that agrees to this endless display of madness. Maybe doing it alongside Sasha is what makes it seem possible since her stamina often feels unstoppable. By now, I probably should’ve learned better.

Brooklyn to Manhattan

But then there’s something about trains that always gets me - regardless of where my body and mind are at. I’m sucker for them and always have been. You can read about them endlessly in my previous writings if you don’t believe me. Aboard this train is how I’ve managed to close a major loop. I finished my record about them while riding one. Yes that’s correct. I’ve finished my most recent record. One more time for the people on the last car. My record about trains is done (being mixed).

Turns out, it needed to be finished while sitting on a train. The energy needs to be “finished in transit”. Somehow that brings me rest. You see, the train is an amazing metaphor because it’s the great submission to another’s time table. Handing the keys over. Letting go.

Half Rest by DI LEO released in 2022

Similarly, this theme of finding rest isn’t new to me. My last EP titled Half Rest was my blurry pandemic solitude record. It expressed the curious feeling of time slowing down but life speeding up. To me it sounds like something an anxiety driven artist would create as a result of the world falling to pieces.

You Wanted to Listen From Outside My Room I Guess by DI LEO released in 2020

Before that I released a full length record about the solitude of writing music alone in my room (a tragic precursor of things to come before the pandemic drove us musicians to our bedrooms to create alone). That collection of music sported the cheeky, self indulgent, and hard to pronounce name You Wanted to Listen from Outside my Room I Guess and featured several collaborators and eclectic tunes.

Amtrak and Bay Area Regional Transit (BART) along the Capitol Corridor in CA

The train record came from a need to pump the breaks. Music is always there for me like that. It’s a full length collection of songs all written on a single instrument and then slowly extrapolated. This was a distinctively different process much more reminiscent of my previous sad self. It’s funny to realize that when an instrument is shoved into your own hands (by yourself) your natural inclination is to write something damn sad. As someone who wears their emotions in the notes in their songs, hearing the end result back is both a liberating and devastating feeling.

It’s the same feeling I remember growing up when I used to employ this song writing and therapy method constantly. As an adult it’s the same - devastating but also liberating.

All this to say that as these little emotional packets of notes, words and chords make their way through mastering, distribution, and finally your ears, I’ll look ahead to the next time my self expressions are captured. That’ll be the moment that explains why trains and rest take me.

1. I am deciding to avoid posting links to Spotify due to a number of reasons: their shady CEO, their shady business practices, and of course their failure to pay artists fairly.

2. At the time of publishing the PNW portion has been completed :/ but catch us in LA / Oakland / Sacramento